OPEN in the holding room. In it are President George W. Bush, Vice President Richard Cheney, National Security Policy Advisor Condoleezzaa Rice, Secretary of State Colin Powell, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Attorney General John Ashcroft and William H. Rehnquist, chief justice of the US Supreme Court.

BUSH

I knew that Dahlai Lama thing would come back to haunt us. Prosecution is making a big thing about it.

RUMSFELD

You gave the order to order to bomb the baby nursery, Mister President.

BUSH

Don't go around blaming me for everything. It was your military intelligence told me it was a poison gas factory.

REHNQUIST

Whatever, Mister President. The fact remains that we knew the Dahlai Lama was there as a human shield and we still bombed the place.

BUSH

I told him to leave.

POWELL

Obvious ploy to make himself a martyr.

CHENEY

We should have put cyanide in his rice bowl.

ASHCROFT

I didn't hear that. No details, okay? I shouldn't even be here. I was just attorney general, had nothing to do with foreign policy and war crimes.

BUSH

God damn it, John -- don't say war crimes. We didn't do no crimes. That's what they say we did.

REHNQUIST

The thing is the tribunal and the prosecution have placed you and Colin Powell at the direct scene of this alleged crime.

BUSH

That was your bright idea, Condoleezza and Colin.

RICE

He asked for you personally. We thought after you talked to him, he might go.

BUSH

I didn't want to go. I wanted to send Dick.

CHENEY

You can't send the vice president to talk to the Dahlai Lama, George. He's the DAhlai Lama, for Chrissakes. A head of state has to talk to a head of state. Besides he had all that publicity.

POWELL

I don't know why I had to go.

BUSH

Well, it was partly your idea. What were you worried about? Tibet? I had to look it up in almanac. Got more yaks than people. Little itty-bitty piece of real estate not worth invading.

RICE

He won the Nobel peace prize, Mister President. He wanted to establish Tibet as a sanctuary of Peace as past of his five point peace plan. He was the spiritual leader of world wide Buddism.

BUSH

And how many voted for me, huh? Gimmie a break. Anyway, I went didn't I/

Lights dim on holding room, up in area at stage front right. Bush and Powell leave the holding room and go to stage front right where The Dahlai Lama stands chained to a wall.

BUSH

Hy'a doin' your highness?

POWELL

(Whispering)

YOur holiness! Your holiness!

BUSH

Oh, yeah.. your holiness.

DAHLAI LAMA

Mister President, -- you must stop.

BUSH

You better ask the Ayatollah Hoseini-Khamenei about that, your highness..er, holiness.

DAHLAI LAMA

You must end this war against Iran...

BUSH

It's part of the evil empire, your holiness. We knocked off Iraq. Iran was next.

DAHLAI LAMA

You killed tens of thousands of innocents in Iraq. You are killing tens of thousands of innocents in Iran. When will it stop?

BUSH

As soon as the Ayatollah and the gang of murderers surrender. We gave them a deadline - and they refused. It's all their fault. Colin - is there anything else we could have done o keep the peace?

POWELL

Nothing.

BUSH

YOu see? YOur holiness, look you shouldn't be here.

DAHLAI LAMA

I will not leave until all the killing stops. If you recall, I sent you a letter on September 12, 2001, the day after the terrible tragedy in New York in which I said that violence will only increase the cycle of violence and said I was sure that you would make the right decisions. Alas, in my humble opinion, you have made the wrong decisions, Mister President.

Bush takes Powell aside)

BUSH

I can't talk to this guy. He's unreasonable.

POWELL

YOur holiness, we quite appreciate your position and your argument. After all, you represent the teachings of peace and contentment and respect for all peoples. We have no argument with that.

BUSH

Hell, no. Look, lemmie lay it on the line, your holiness. The United States is prepared to give Tibet 70 billion dollars in aid - if you will leave.

DAHLAI LAMA

That would be bribery.

BUSH

We're not talking rice bowls, here.

POWELL

Mister President, please.. YOur holiness, we have evidence that Iran has weapons of cataclysmic destruction that it has used against men, women and children. It poses a threat to the world - and yes, even to Tibet, your Holiness. Keep in mind that a platoon of your female acolytes was raped by a battalion of raging Muslim fanatics under the rule of Osama Bin Laden.

DAHLAI LAMA

That story was proved to be apocryphal.

BUSH

One of the prophesies of the bible, right. The book of apocryphal. One of my favorites, your holiness.

POWELL

Mister President, please..

(To Dahlai Lama)

Your holiness, we can not vouch for your safety here.

DAHLAI LAMA

I have given this much prayer and wish to show the strength of my faith and the dedication of all people of good will around the world to stop this killing. I am ready to die.

BUSH

I wish you wouldn't say that. That's not a nice thing to say. God is on our side.

DAHLAI LAMA

Not the God I know.

BUSH

With all respect, yours ain't the only God. Think over the 70 billion, your Holiness. We're also prepared to give 50 percent tax breaks to all those bald headed kids at the airports and whatever chanting with begging bowls.

POWELL

Those are the followers of Hare Krishna, Mister President.

BUSH

Now you're gonna tell me they ain't the same thing. I'm getting tired of being put down here. Alright, If that ain't enough, we'll rebuild Shangri La, how about that?

DAHLAI LAMA

You say you are a Christian, Mister President. Then I will speak in terms in you understand. YOu are trying to bribe me -- ensnare me like Beezlebub try with your Christ in the desert. Begone - Satan. Begone.

BUSH

(whispering to Powell)

This guy has gone bonkers..

DAHLAI LAMA

Let there be peace on earth and brotherhood of all peoples..

Powell takes Bush by the elbow while speaking to the Dahlai Lama

POWELL

We'll be back soon.

They walk away)

BUSH

Whad I say, Goddammit?

They return to the holding room. Lights down in the front right environment.

POWELL

Well, you didn't help matters.

BUSH

What was all that Beezlebub stuff? I think he was losing it -- he knew the sand in his hourglass had run out and he was going to out with a bang.

REHNQUIST

Which unfortunately we helped him to do with an inadvertent smart bomb. The prosecution is saying it was not so inadvertent.

CHENEY

Hey, shit happens, you know.

BUSH

Looney old man in a dress. That's what a veggie diet will do for ya.

(Pause)

BUSH

How long this recess gonna last?

RUMSFELD

About a half hour.

BUSH

What do you think, Rehnquist?

REHNQUIST

Built up a pretty good case. All that testimony by little crippled boys and girls hurt by our bombs in Iraq and Teheran..paper of e-mails and memos leading back to you about bombing of civilian areas.

ASHCROFT

They never could have gotten away with this if it wasn't for the revolt.

CHENEY

Yellow bellied army commanders turning their troops against us. Rumsfeld -- you should have seen it coming.

RUMSFELD

I was just Defense Secretary... this was a chief of staffs thing.

ASHCROFT

I knew we should have imposed martial law sooner than we did. If we had shot more people sooner - that would have made them think twice.

BUSH

Look fellas, I don't want to go over all that stuff, alright? Ancient history. And we don't need all this back biting. What the hell do we do now?

RICE

We could try to plea bargain.

ASHCROFT

Down from infamous war crimes to traffic violations. Ha!

RICE

Be serious.

ASHCROFT

I am serious.

BUSH

But Condi is on the right track. She's got something. What do you think Rehnquist?

REHNQUIST

This is not like the Florida election, Mister President. I can't fix this.

CHENEY

We got to give them somebody.

RUMSFELD

A fall guy.

Everybody looks at Ashcroft

ASHCROFT

Oh, no.. you don't. In fact, I'm gonna ask for my trial to be separated from you guys. Nothing personal.

BUSH

You can't be separated from us. You're part of the administration.

ASHCROFT

Domestic policy was my domain.

POWELL

Which is a good part of the reason - that we had a civil war.

ASHCROFT

YOu want a fall guy? Horace Fish.

BUSH

Fish ... Fish..? My Secretary of Education?

ASHCROFT

Why not.. he was part of the administration too.

CHENEY

Nobody ever heard of this guy.

BUSH

Me neither.

CHENEY

Never mind George.

RUMSFELD

He's our mystery man.

ASHCROFT

That's my point... He operated in stealth.

POWELL

He was the guy who was always asleep at the cabinet meetings.

BUSH

You know, he could have something.

RICE

He was never even indicted.

BUSH

So, what do think Bill?

RHENQUIST

Fish would be a hard sell.

RUMSFELD

It's a shot... We got to take it.

RICE

It wouldn't work...We have to think clearly here...Let's not get hysterical.

ASHCROFT

Sometimes I think I jailed the wrong person, Condoleeza..

RICE

You see how he gets personal? Detach from the case, Ha! Are you forgetting the testimony from some of those you had jailed -- you blathering moron!

Lights down on the holding area, lights up in "courtroom" where Mustapha Ali Haroon is in the witness box. Note: Actor who played the Dahlai Lama can play Mustapha.

MUSTAPHA

I came from Iraq and became an American citizen. I had a stationary store in Brooklyn. One morning - about 3 o'clock -- about a dozen men broke down the door of my apartment and arrested me. They would not tell me why. They took me to a cell in the Manhattan Correctional Facility where I was kept in solitary for eight weeks. Then I was transferred to Guantamano Base in Cuba where I stayed for eight years. I was beaten often although I never did anything. Never did they tell me why I had been arrested, nor where any charges ever placed against me. My only crime, it would seem, was that I had been born in Iraq, read an Iraqi newspaper, and was active in a club of Iraqi immigrants just like me. All my club members, I found out later, were also arrested and I never saw them again. I have a wife and three daughters. Never was I allowed to see them. We had to close my store. My wife was sickly and needed me to work in order to buy medicines. She has died. My daughters had to leave school and go to work. I learned all of this later because I was never allowed to received mail or telephone calls. Later I was deported to Iraq.

Light fades on witness stand. Up in holding room.

ASHCROFT

Terrorist complainer!!!

REHNQUIST

John, you put almost seven million people into concentration camps.

ASHCROFT

Where else was I going to put them? Prisons were full. Athletic stadiums were full. Military bases were full. Prison ships were full. So were Indian reservations, college campuses and city parks -- full of subversives. Don't I get credit for having a good idea! This kind of back biting has to stop! And what about the Bushy boys? Cheney's bright brainstorm.

Lights down again in holding room, up on witness stand.

BUSHY BOY

I was a Bushy boy at a younger age. I was instructed to spy on my parents and my neighbors and was actually responsible for the arrest and jailing of scores of people, including my parents. For my good work, I was named a Bushy Boy Battalion Commander. We had the snazziest uniforms. My sister also was inducted into the girls auxiliary. We used to call them Bushy Bitches. Ha, they didn't like that. But it was all in good clean fun. She later became a leader in the elite Bushmeister Brigadecorps just as I did. My parents? They were sent to a work camp in the oil fields of the Yellowstone National Park. My sister and I only saw my mother again at my father's funeral. Although she had been thoroughly rehabilitated, she did not wish to leave the Yellowstone National Park oil fields and come and live in a barracks near our camp. She was not a very good sport about it all.

Lights down on witness stand, up in holding area.

RICE

Bushy Bitches, indeed!

CHENEY

Nothing personal, Condi.

REHNQUIST

Listen, we are supposed to be planning strategy during this recess.

BUSH

I thought that was what we were doin'?

CHENEY

George, isn't it time for your nap?

BUSH

Is it? You think I have time for a nap, really? I am kinda tired and it is about my nap time.

REHNQUIST

No, you can't nap, Mister President.

BUSH

Don't tell me what I can do and can't do. You may have been Supreme Court Justice, but that don't give you the right to be snippy.

REHNQUIST

As your defense attorney, it is my duty to advise you, Mister President. And might I remind you of the role I played in selecting you as president.

A red light goes on a buzzer is heard.

POWELL

Time to go back in.

BUSH

Put those shoulders back folks. Strut back in with a shit-eaten grin, like I always do. Strut, got it - don't walk.

EAch takes a chair to bring with them. Bush puts a kewpie doll Bushy grin on his face and begins to strut down stage front as the lights dim in the holding area. They all begin to strut with the same idiotic grins. They march into the "courtroom" area and place chairs in rows of three. Bush, Cheney, Powell in front. On the witness stand is Horace Fish. He has his hand raised and is taking the oath

FISH

My name is Howard Fish. I was secretary of Education and I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. I am truthifying here because they done thought I was sleepin', but I wasn't when they was all a-plottin' in them there cabinet getogethers and I heard them all figurin' how they was gonna split up Iraq, Iran and Syria among all the companies and corporations they owned or which owned them. And they was gonna blame it all on me, I heard about that. And they was gonna blame me for doin' away with elections and for imposing martial law and for abolishing the constitution and all that and for breaking all those international law and for killing all dem innocence people and dey gots another guess comin' if they think theys gonna make this secretary of education the fall guy for their nefarious plans. Everything they be accused of is the truth. They be the biggest, baddest people I ever did seen. Evil don't even begin to describe it.

Lights down on courtroom area.The only area lit now is stage front. Bush is addressing the audience, once again delivering the speech he gave on television announcing the start of the war against Iraq. The others shuffle listlessly in a circle behind him, some hold open books in one hands or are reading them. The other arm is extended to hold the shoulder of the person in front of them, so that all seem to be connected in a chain. Ashcroft is saying his rosary loudly. All, except Bush wear box-like, peakless caps on their heads. The caps are striped black and white.

BUSH

My fellow citizens, at this hour, American and coalition forces are in the early stages of military operations to disarm Iraq, to free its people and to defend the world from grave danger. On my orders, coalition forces have begun striking selected targets of military importance to undermine Saddam Hussein's ability to wage war.... My fellow citizens, the dangers to our country and the world will be overcome. We will pass through this time of peril and carry on the work of peace . We will defend our freedom. We will bring freedom to others. And we will prevail. May God Bless our country and all who defend her.

Cheney and Rumsfeld come and gently take Bush and bring him back into the circle. They take his black and white striped cap from his pocket and place it on his head. He then begins his prison shuffle in time with them, his hand on the shoulder of the person before him.

FADE SLOWLY TO BLACK. THE PLAYLET IS OVER.