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OH SAY CAN YOU SEE?

(SETTING: The backyard of Ethel and Bernie Partridge. A tree, festooned with American flags. Another larger flag is by a barbecue grill, downstage right. The grill smokes with cooking meat. Adjacent table with mounds of hamburger, frankfurters, buns, condiments. Barrels of beer and soda. All is swollen abundance. Stage center/rear a long table covered with a checkered cloth. A box under the table. Benches on either side. A beer keg at one end. Bernie wears an apron which says, "I'm the chef, kiss me." The others all wear boater hats or campaign caps which are red, white and blue.))

(TIME: Mid Afternoon. July 4th. The near future.)

(OPEN as all are singing and dancing the "Hokey Pokey" at Stage Front. The females are in shorts and halters. The men wear shorts and T-shirts, some without sleeves. Various states of intoxication.)

(In the background at stage rear, rising smoke from bombs and battle can be seen. Heard the faint sounds of explosions, planes, machine guns.))

ALL

Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about, put your left foot in, put your left foot out, put your left foot in and shake it all about, do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself around, that's what it's all about. Put your right hand in, put your right hand out, put your right hand in and shake it all about, do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself around, that's what it's all about. Put your left hand in, put your left hand out, put your left hand in and shake it all about, do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself around, that's what it is all about. Put your head in, put your head out, put your head in and shake it all about, do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around, that's what it is all about. Put your whole self in, put your whole self out, put your whole self in and shake it all about, do the Hokey Pokey and turn yourself around, that's what it's all about.

(Breathless and manic, they break and collapse in paroxysms of laughter. Bernie goes to the grill to check on the cooking meat. Ethel goes to the table, gets paper plates to bring to him. JIm and Lee go to beer keg. Mabel and Sheila go to the table and sit. Mabel fans herself. Sheila swabs under her sweaty breasts. Jill goes to a CD player and turns it on. There is a blare of heavy rock and roll until she plugs in her earphones. She begins to sway seductively to the music. She continues to do this throughout, unless noted otherwise. Others always have drinks in their hands, or are stuffing their mouths and drinking.)

JIM

(Pouring beer into a paper cup)

I love the Fourth. Jesus, I love the Fourth.

(He hands Lee the beer cup)

LEE

Hell, yes. Best damn Holiday in the whole damn world.

JIM

I'll drink to that.

(They toast)

LEE

When good friends get together for a cup of cheer!

JIM

Comrades in arms.

LEE

Marine corps buddies.

JIM

Here's to the Corps.

LEE

Semper Fidelis.

(They drink, Laugh.)

JIM

And a one-and-a-two-and-a-three. Let's hear it Lee-baby.

(They put their arms around their shoulders and sing.)

JIM AND LEE

I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, Yankee Doodle do or die. A real live nephew of my uncle Sam, born on the Fourth of July.

MABEL

Let's hear it baby...

JIM

(He makes an obscene gesture)

Va..va...voom!

(Everyone laughs)

BERNIE

Hey, song birds -- don't I get a drink?

JIM

(Stereotype Stepinfetchit dialect)

Jus, name it, boss.

(Bernie adopts the same dialect and does a shuffling dance.)

BERNIE

Gin and tonic... long on dee gin and short on dee tonic..and thank you, suh...yes suh... thank you, thank you, thank you.

LEE

Hey Lordy, lordy, lordy... listen to dat boy talk.

JIM

(Jewish accent)

Und der funny ting is -- he don't even look Jewish!

LEE

(In courtly, confederate accent)

Why, ah'll bet that some of that boy's best friends are Jewish.

ETHEL

(Toasting)

Happy is the home that shelters a friend!

BERNIE

(Toasting)

Friendship is a treasure ship anyone can launch.

JIM

(Toasting)

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

LEE

(Toasting)

Life has no blessing like a prudent friend.

MABEL

(Toasting)

A friend is a present you give yourself for being friendly.

SHIELA

(Toasting)

A friend is one in front of whom you can be your true self!

(They drink and then all form a semi-circle and sing, arms around each other waists and swaying.)

ALL

If we can't be the same old sweethearts, then we'll be the same old friends, for I want someone like you, just to tell my troubles go. My happiness on you it all depends, for I've known you too long to forget you and my old dream of love never ends. Though I know you can't be mine, we will meet from time to Tim, and we'll just be the same old friends.

(They disperse, laughing and resume positions they and after doing the Hokey Pokey. Jim pours another beer for himself and Lee)

JIM

Hey, Bernie - when's the guest of honor comin'

BERNIE

They're gonna be a little late, but they'll be here. In the meantime, let's eat.

LEE

Hallelujah! I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse!

(All hurry and get plates, except Jill. Her mother Mabel goes to her, lifts one earphone off her head and shouts into her ear.)

MABEL

Jill, time to eat!!

JILL

What?

MABEL

Time to eat! Eat!

(She makes eating motions with her hand to mouth.)

JILL

Eat?

MABEL

Yeah

JILL

I'm not hungry.

(Jill puts earphone back on her ear and begins to dance again, but Mabel tears the earphones off her head and puts them on the table. Loud rock and roll is heard. It remains until the next dance.)

MABEL

You hardly had any breakfast! YOu're skin and bones!

LEE

(Aside to Bernie)

I'd sure like to chew on them skin and bones.

BERNIE

Jail bait, buddy.

LEE

Only kidding.

BERNIE

But dems is nice bones, Massa Lee...

(Lee and Bernie do a soft shoe tap routine as they sing)

LEE AND BERNIE

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones, dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones, dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones, now hear the words of de Lawd!

(All except Jill laugh. She joins food line. After each of the others get their food, they form a line at stage front.)

JIM

These kids today. The eternal triangle. Teen ager - parent and telephone.

ETHEL

Train a child in the way he should go and go that way yourself.

SHIELA

Children are a poor man's riches.

MABEL

Every child born in the world is a new thought of God.q

JILL

Children are a comfort in your old age.

LEE

Our children are the only earthly possessions we can take with us to glory.

(He kneels. Others stand with bowed heads.)

BERNIE

Bless us, oh lord for these gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen.

(All disperse into corners and begin to devour their food, madly shoving it into their mouths. The rock and music is heard again, louder. Finally, they all converge on the table and collapse on the benches.))

MABEL

I hardly ate.

JIM

Just pecked at my food.

LEE

Hardly touched my plate.

SHIELA

Too warm to eat anyhow.

(She swabs under her breasts.)

JIM

Took only a bite.

ETHEL

Appetite was off.

BERNIE

Never was a big eater.

JIM

I'll drink to that.

(All pour whiskey, vodka, gin into their glasses, including Jill. They raise their glasses on high and then chug-a-lug.)

ETHEL

Jill wasn't drinking whiskey, was she?

JILL

Soda.

JIM

Of course, soda.

BERNIE

Oh, yes.

LEE

Naturally.

SHIELA

Certainly.

MABEL

Absolutely.

(All except Jill pour themselves another drink and chug-a-lug. They pour and drink throughout.)

MABEL (Continued)

I just take a drop now and then.

BERNIE

Moderation is my motto.

LEE

Niggers drink. We don't.

SHIELA

Drink is the mother of want and the curse of crime.

JIM

Dignity can not be preserved in alcohol.

JILL

We must plant the seed from which will grow the will to abstain.

ETHEL

We still want to meet the Christian who will tell s that Christ approved of drinking.

(There is the sound of louder than usual explosions in the background. Brighter, larger flashes of light. Flames. Smoke.)

BERNIE

Wow! That was a big one!

(Jim turns and shakes his fist in the direction of the explosions.)

JIM

Why don't they leave things alone?

LEE

Some people are never satisfied.

SHIELA

Have to go around burning, destroying.

ETHEL

They have everything they need.

JIM

Freedom and democracy..

MABEL

Just Fourth of July firecrackers, pay no mind.

JILL

That's right. Just firecrackers.

BERNIE

Just a bunch of guys and girls having fun.

LEE

Sending up rockets.

SHIELA

Lighting sparklers.

(As explosions continue, Ethel begins to dance and sing, "La Cucaracha. She and others move to stage front center. Spouses switch partners. Jill dances by herself.)

ALL

When a fellow loves a maiden - and that maiden doesn't love him, it's the same as when a bald man finds a comb up on the highway. La Cucaracha, la cucharacha, doesn't want to travel on because she hasn't.. oh, no, she hasn't.. marijuana to smoke.

((Lee goes to Jill and begins to dance with her seductively, grinding groins. The other look on, but keep dancing and singing.)

ALL (Continued)

All the girls up at Las Vegas are most tall and skinny, But they;re worse for plaintive pleading, then the souls in Purgatory. La Cucaracha, la cucaracha, doesn't want to travel on...because she hasn't.. oh, no, she hasn't marijuana to smoke.

(They all break laughing while Jill and Lee continue dancing to the sound of rock and roll. Others watch chuckling. Bernie breaks in and the dancing becomes even sexier. Bernie places his hands on Jill's butt.)

ETHEL

They make a nice couple.

SHIELA

Bernie was always such a good dancer.

MABEL

And Jill has natural rhythm.

(Jim springs to center stage and blows an imaginary bugle)

JIM

Ta-ta-ta-ta-tarrah Here's our guest of honor!

(He points off stage left. Ahmad Barhlabi and his wife, Hala enter. Hala is carrying their infant daughter, Amira who has no arms or legs. Bernie breaks off from Jill who continues to dance alone. He joins the others in a song of welcome.)

ALL

Hello, ma baby, hello ma honey, hello my ragtime gal, send me a kiss by wire, baby my hear's on fire, if you refuse me, honey, you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone, oh, baby, telephone and tell me I's your own.

(Laughing, they bring the family into stage center, clapping Ahmad on the back, hugging Hala.)

LEE

Hi, fella!

JIM

Don't they look just grand!

SHIELA

And look at the cootchy cootchy baby!

(They all crowd around the baby. Bernie takes the baby from the arms of Hala.)

HALA

No... no...

(Ahmad moves to take her back, but is stopped by Jim. Bernie holds the baby over his head. We see that the infant has no arms or legs.)

BERNIE

She has your eyes, Ahmad!

MABEL

Isn't she just the cutest?

(Bernie hands the infant to Mabel)

BERNIE

She'll be a good as new in no time... With even better arms and legs.

ETHEL

We're so glad you could come.

JIM

Take a load off your feet, folks.

(He leads them to benches. They sit.)

MABEL

(To baby)

Nice baby... nice baby...coochy..coo..

(To Hala)

MABEL (Continued)

What's her name?

HALA

Amira..

(She takes the baby back.)

JIM

Well, at least you don't have to worry about her running around too much, eh?

(His wife pokes him.)

JIM (Continued)

What did I say?

(Bernie reaches under the table and brings up an Iraqi flag.)

BERNIE

We even got an Iraqi flag for you. In your honor.

(He secures flag on the table.)

MABEL

I'll get you some chow.

(She and other ladies go to the food table and load plates.)

JIM

That hospital food must be pretty bad, eh? Well we got steaks, hamburgers, franks.. you name it.

AHMAD

We do not eat meat.

BERNIE

No wonder you're so skinny.. Need some good American food to put some meat on those bones.

(Mabel and the other women return with food, some of which spills on to the baby. They brush a frankfurter off the child.)

MABEL

That won't hurt her.

ETHEL

I want you to know how happy we are that you could come today..

SHIELA

We're honored.

BERNIE

I mean, you people been all over the TV news and everything. Baby got hurt when a mine exploded in Baghdad..and now -- the American government is gonnna give her new arms and legs.

JIM

Man, that will be the best.

BERNIE

I said to my wife... we ought to have them over from the hospital and show them some good old American family style hospitality..

SHIELA

Let 'em take part in the good things of life.

JIM

And we got the media people coming over soon.. They want the whole world to see how what we are doing for you people and the baby.

MABEL

A baby is a little river in the bonds of matrimony.

SHIELA

That which makes the home happier..

LEE

Love stronger..

ETHEL

The past forgotten.

BERNIE

The future brighter...

AHMAD

We did not want to come... They made us come.

JIM

Well, I can understand how you might feel.. But you can't blame the American people... The biggest hearted people in the world.

LEE

It wasn't us that planted the mine.. It was your people..

AHMAD

It was not a mine... We were in our house when an American bomb hit it.. my baby was buried in the rocks... Many children were killed....

BERNIE

The price of freedom is high, Ahmad..

MABEL

I had an uncle who lost both his legs in the war.. They fixed up him a pair of artificial legs and now he can walk and everything..

JIM

They got arms that look real too.

(Bernard hands Ahmad a drink)

BERNIE

Have a drink, old buddy.. Enjoy yourself.

AHMAD

I do not drink.

(The others ignore his words and form a semi-circle around him.)

ALL

Pack up your troubles in an old kit bag and smile, smile, smile.. What's the use of worrying, it never was worthwhile. So pack up your troubles in an old kit bag and smile! Smile! Smile!

(They break up, laughing.)

LEE

Found a job yet?

AHMAD

There are no jobs..

BERNIE

If a man wants work, he can find it.

JILL

The best jobs haven't been started. The best work hasn't been done.

MABEL

Have plenty of time for work..none to waste.

LEE

There aren't any rules for success that work unless you do.

SHIELA

It is better to wear out than to rust out.

ETHEL

Most footprints in the sands of time were left by work shoes.

(Jill takes off earphones for a second.)

JILL

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

(She replaces earphones.)

AHMAD

My visa has expired...My wife and I have to return to Iraq. ..And we have other children to take care of.

HALA

We want to return to the hospial.

(She and Ahmad rise.)

BERNIE

Wait a second -- the media ain't here yet. You could be on NBC.

AHMAD

I came - that is enough. Now, we go back. Someday you will know what we know.

(He and his wife and child move off.)

ETHEL

Hold on... you didn't even eat nothing!

SHIELA

I even knitted a little something for the baby.

(From a box under the table, she pulls out a pink knitted sleeve, openings top and bottom and nothing else. Ahmad and Hala move off. She runs after them, then stops.)

SHIELA (Continued)

What am I gonna do with this?

JIM

I could use it for a dick warmer.

(Shiela pokes him.)

SHIELA

Behave.

(She laughs)

BERNIE

How do you like that? I mean, Jesus Christ! How the hell do you like that? Try to do somebody a favor! I mean treat 'em like they never been treated before! And this is what you get! Son of a bitch!

JIM

Damn if he didn't bite the hand that bit him.

MABEL

Gratitude is a duty which ought to be paid, but which none has a right to expect.

LEE

Earth produces nothing worse than an ungrateful man.

ETHEL

You love a nothing when you love an ingrate.

BERNIE

Couldn't even get a laugh out of the guy or his wife.

JIM

Life is a mirror. If you frown at it, it frowns back. If you smile, it returns the greeting.

JILL

What do you think he meant - someday you'll know what we know.

BERNIE

Who knows..

ETHEL

Who cares.

(The explosions in the rear flare to greater intensity and remain that way. Bernie laughs uneasily. They all take up their glasses and fill them while they laugh nervously. Jill returns to dancing alone to the rhythms of her CD. The others go to stage center and begin to dance and sing)

ALL

Ja da, ja da, ja da, ja da, jing jing jing. ja da, ja da, ja da, ja da jing jing jing. That's a funny bit of melody, ja da jing jing. It's so soothing and appealing to me, it goes Ja ja da, ja da, jing jing jing.

(Lights fade to black. Sound of explosions continue in the darkness. The playlet is over.)